Chapter 5 - My Addiction
- Andrew Collett
- Jan 17
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 22
When Relief Becomes a Requirement
By now, the system is in place.
Planning has become routine. Access has become essential. Obedience has become normalized.
This is the stage where addiction is no longer something you manage.
It is something you need.
Note: This track is included to accompany the chapter. The full album is intended to be experienced in sequence.
Song Lyrics
My Addiction
You come on like the setting sun
Slow and warm, and then I’m gone
You give me peace, a sweet release
From all my trouble, pain, and grief
I come back often, you pull me near
An unseen voice inside my ear
I let you in, it feels so right
Like the way I thought real love might
I’d die for you, I swear it’s true
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
You are everything to me
Even while you’re killing me
You’re the only thing that makes me right
My only way to survive this life
You have my mind, my body, my soul
We move as one — I’ve lost control
You said we’d laugh, you said we’d fly
Did you know I’d never say goodbye?
Was this a game you knew you’d win
Did you know the cost to let me in?
I’d die for you, I’ve proved it now
I’ve given everything somehow
You are everything to me
And I can’t tell where you end and where I begin
You’re the only thing that makes me right
My only way to survive this life
You have my mind, my body, my soul
We move as one — I’ve lost control
Why did I open your door that night?
Why did one turn into every night?
You took my trust, you took my name
You took my future, fed the flame
Everything I loved falls behind
And still you’re the only thing on my mind
I’m on my knees, I’m out of breath
Still choosing you with nothing left
I’d die for you, that much is clear
I’ve traded hope for staying here
You are everything to me
And I don’t know how to leave
I know you’re killing me
I know it’s true
But loving you
Is all I know how to do
My Addiction
What State of Mind This Song Represents
“My Addiction” represents full dependence.
At this stage:
desire has been replaced by necessity
use is required to feel normal
absence feels intolerable
The substance is no longer enhancing life.
It is preventing collapse.
When the Body Enters the Equation
This is where addiction becomes physical.
The body now expects relief.
Without it, there is:
agitation
anxiety
restlessness
unease
fear
These sensations are not interpreted as withdrawal.
They are interpreted as something being wrong.
The solution feels obvious.
What It Felt Like From the Inside
From the inside, this stage feels urgent.
There is no romance left.
No mystery.
No curiosity.
Only need.
The addict is no longer asking:
Do I want this?
They are asking:
How soon can I feel normal again?
And normal is defined narrowly —as the absence of discomfort.
How Everything Else Starts to Shrink
At this stage, addiction begins to crowd out everything else.
Attention narrows. Patience thins. Tolerance for frustration disappears.
Other needs — rest, connection, responsibility —become secondary.
Not because they don’t matter, but because the body is demanding relief first.
This is how addiction becomes total without ever announcing itself.
What Outsiders Often Miss
From the outside, this stage may still look like choice.
People may think:
They’re just drinking more.
They’re stressed.
They’re going through something.
What they don’t see is that the margin for choice is gone.
What looks like indulgences is actually maintenance.
Looking Back With Clarity
Looking back, “My Addiction” marks the moment where:
the substance becomes non-negotiable
the day is structured around survival
life begins to orbit a single need
This is no longer psychological.
It is physiological.
And physiology does not respond to willpower.
What to Listen for in the Song
When listening to “My Addiction,” notice:
the weight
the repetition
the lack of lift
There is no arc here.
No rise and fall.
Just insistence.
That flatness is the truth of dependence.
Closing Reflection
This chapter exists to show why addiction is so hard to interrupt once it reaches this stage.
Because the body has learned something the mind cannot reason with.
Relief is no longer a want.
It is a requirement.
Why This Chapter Matters to the Whole Album
“My Addiction” explains why later consequences feel unavoidable.
Once dependence is established, everything else becomes negotiable — except use.
From here forward, damage is not accidental.
It is collateral.
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